Cat (cat_luvs_guysx2) wrote in elfmoot2007,

Fic Challenge

Only because I promised ladysunrope and everyone heard me do so.

TITLE: Waste Not, Want Not
PAIRING: Dom/Elijah

CHALLENGE WORDS: empty, agreeable, beautiful

Special thanks to verangel who allowed to use her words because I was too dead set against writing to get my own. :/

Fucking Empty.
Completely, totally, without a doubt, empty.

Elijah shakes the box one more time just for good measure. Yep. Still empty. In a desperate attempt, he tears apart the small cardboard box just in case one, foil-lined square still remains…somehow hidden in the small box. Empty. Utterly, truly empty.

Elijah furrows his brows in confusion. How can a box of condoms that he bought just last week be empty when he, himself, has not had sex in well over a fucking month? He looks up from the shredded pieces of the paper box and across the hallway to his roommate’s bedroom door. Closed bedroom door, that is.

Elijah is going to fucking kill him.

It has taken Elijah well over a month to just get a weekend off from work, and miracle of miracles to even find someone agreeable to some nightcap. And now…. His lazy, selfish, inconsiderate, and just downright rude roommate steals his last condom. Bastard!

Heedless of his nudity, Elijah marches himself across the hall and flings open his roommate’s door, only to find said roommate kneeling between the legs of a rather beautiful, older man.

“DOM! You fucking asshole!”

Dom looks up and flashes a rather cheeky grin towards Elijah.

“Not yet, but give me a few minutes and I will be.”

Elijah stomps over and stands at the side of the bed. His arms are crossed against his chest and his eyes are hard and glaring.

Dom, somewhat oblivious to his roommate’s state of being, merely shrugs.

“By all means, Elijah, please stay. You may actually learn a thing or two.”

Elijah ignores the comment, as well as, the shocked look upon the face of Dom’s partner. Instead, Elijah stretches out his arm and points a finger in the direction of Dom’s crotch.

“That’s mine, you fucker!”

Dom turns his head back to Elijah and blinks in confusion. “Beg your pardon?”

Elijah shakes his finger again. “That! Where did you get that?”

Dom raises one eyebrow at the question. “Umm… I was born with it?”

Elijah rolls his eyes. “No, you asshole. The condom. Where did you get that condom?”

Dom’s face gives away his guilt in spite of his verbal denial. “I-I.. well I’ve had it…. for awhile… ages in fact…. For emergencies… yeah.”

“Bullshit! You stole it from my drawer in the bathroom!”

“Noooo.. I wouldn’t…”

“Yes, you did, you lying bastard! In fact, you have stolen and used the whole damn box… all twelve of them… in one week no less!”

Dom squirms a bit. “Well, I may have borrowed one or two. It’s not like you were using any of them.”

Elijah is truly tempted to punch his smug, albeit correct, roommate right upside his lying head.

“Give it back.”

Dom stares at him. Elijah takes another step forward, putting him against the mattress.

“I said… Give it to me!”

Dom shakes his head. “Look, Lij, I will buy you a whole fucking case of them tomorrow, ok?”

Elijah holds out his hand. “Dom… I am warning you… Give. It .To. Me. NOW!”

Dom shakes his head again. “No! It’s on me and it ain’t coming off until I do! Sod off, Lij!”

The sudden slamming of the front door makes all three occupants of the room jump. Elijah’s face falls in realization, but quickly turns from disappointment to outright fury.

“You.. you…” he stutters as he jabs a finger right into Dom’s face.

Dom shrugs, “Looks like you won’t be needing it now anyway. Now then…if you will excuse me… I am busy with--”

Dom’s brush-off gets halted as Elijah’s hand reaches out and clamps down on Dom’s erection.

“Hoy! Elijah! Fucking hell, mate? Take it easy!”

Elijah glowers at Dom. “I said… It’s mine.”

“And I told you SOD THE FUCK OFF!”

The duo is so absorbed in their stare-down and face-off that neither one of them notices the absence of the third party until the front door slams again.

Elijah, still grasping Dom’s cock, smirks. “Looks like you aren’t needing it either.”

Dom frowns. He looks down at his slowly, waning erection still held firmly within Elijah’s grip.

“Yeah.. shame that.” He says thickly. “Horrible waste… and the last one as well.”

Elijah looks down and runs his fingers back and forth across the thin sheath of latex. “Yeah… it’s … it’s just terrible.”

They both watch in silence as Elijah’s fingers curl around Dom ‘s member, slowly working it until it once again fills the condom fully again.

When they both look up, an unspoken truce is born as arms embrace and mouths meet in a flurry of touches and kisses. Elijah breaks away just long enough to push Dom onto his back and climb atop him, straddling his hips.

“Dom? Lube?” Elijah gasps into Dom’s mouth.

Dom moans as Elijah begins to grind down upon him. “Pillow… under.. the pillow… fuck.. hurry… hurry..”

Elijah leans forward and fumbles for the bottle. He retrieves it and sits back, settling his bottom into a rather comfortable position. He easily flips open the top of the bottle and turns it over his open palm. He squeezes it once… twice… three times, only to have a small whoosh of air fill his hand.

Fucking Empty.
Completely, totally, without a doubt, empty.

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LOL! Thanks for sharing this. I wish I had been there to hear the reading. I hear it was well accepted. You are a writer. Don't let anyone tell you differently. ;)
I have to admit that ladysunrope did a fantastic job of narrating it, and I am sorry that you missed it. But hopefully it still held its humor in the written text as well. Thanks for the kind words and compliment. :D
kitcat, I adored the interplay of humor and kink in this fic. Don't hesitate to put your writings out there! If this one was any example, I'd say you're a fine writer!
Awww, I am so delighted to hear that you liked it. I hope to write more now that the hurdle has been jumped. Thank you for the compliment. It was a pleasure to meet you, and I do hope to have the chance to see you again. :D
*holding my sides laughing*

Oh, my fucking God! I am SO sorry I missed *this* reading!

This story is hilarious and hot. And to top it all off, you say LSR read it aloud, using her "Dom" voice?

And to think I was probably stuck in traffic at the same time you ladies were howling over this fic. Looks like I may have missed one of the funniest stories of the Moot!

Thank you so much for posting this, so I didn't have to miss it completely.
Yes, LSR read it aloud and in her "Dom" voice to boot. She did a fabulous job, too. I wasn't sure if the humor would still come across in the written text form, but I promised to post it anyway. I am very glad that you enjoyed it.

Oh, and your icon rocks. Long live Brian Kinney. <3
:) happy
**kisses you senseless**
snogs you enormously. v
Oh my God I am so bummed I missed this at the Moot!! It's fantastic!
You should write more, seriously! I love furious!Elijah. *cheers*
Well, not to rub salt in the wound of being bummed, but LSR did an amazing job of reading it aloud, complete with "Dom" voice and wonderful intonation. But I am glad the written version worked out well enough and hopefully got a good laugh from you.

I will try to write more, but who knows.

Thanks so much. :D
I'm so glad you posted this! It was one of the best of the moot.
Awww, thank you for that. I don't think it was the best, but I do hope it made you laugh aloud. :D
That was FABulous. I loved the bookended format. Awesome. :)
Thank you, Bunnie. I am very glad you enjoyed it. I must say, it sparked a few delightful images for me and had me grinning from ear to ear. :D
I really really love this-although I do think you know this by now.

The humour is so right -and its so funny. It was so much fun to read.

I'd love to read more in this universe -Dom as the clueless roommate is adorable, and pissed off Elijah I like a lot, in fact want to hug them both to bits -so if ever you feel the urge... :)

Hope everyone's reaction to it both here and on your own lj has convinced you about your writing! *hugs*
I'm not sure I will ever be convinced, but the compliments are lovely all the same. I honestly would never have posted, and surely not read it aloud, had it not been for you and verangel. I am very glad that the two of you enjoyed it, as well as, everyone else.

I had not considered writing more of this "universe" but since you mentioned it, I may give it a try. Who knows?

Thanks for everything, my dear. I cannot tell you how much meeting you in person and getting to chat with you meant. I hope we get another chance to do so again.

OMG!!!!! I missed getting to hear LSR read this at the moot and I missed it being posted on the community until just now. THIS IS WONDERFUL!!! Oh, the last line is just absolutely fuckin' perfect! This is the kind of story that makes me turn green with envy. I so wish I had written something this funny and so perfectly constructed. Your set up for the delivery of the last line was just masterful. I so wish I had heard at the moot so that I could have squeed in your presence. This really is a great story. Congratulations!
Yes, I am afraid you missed it. I honestly had no intention of sharing it, but that LSR can be one pushy chick! But she read it aloud and it was awesome to hear her use her "Dom" voice and put so much enthusiasm into it. She really made it come alive.

I am very glad, though, to hear that the written delivery was good enough for you to enjoy it. It was written so quickly that I wasn't exactly sure of it. (I wrote it while waiting on the bathroom to be free) So, thank you for the compliment and for all your work on the moot. It was a good time and I hope to see you again. :D